Brotherly Love
by strawberryfinn
Summary: [COMPLETE]. Cody has always seemed to be the stronger twin, but he falls apart when he thinks he's lost Zack. Oneshot.


**NOTE**: No, I do not own _The Suite Life of Zack and Cody_, or the actors, Dylan and Cole Sprouse. Maggie and Matt are characters created by my own mind, and I do own those.

* * *

"How is he? Is he okay?" Cody asked. His eyes were red and puffy—he couldn't cry anymore. He was out of tears.

"Cody," the counselor said. Maggie, that's what Cody thought her name was. Typical counselor look—the long hair, the glasses, the conservative looking long black skirt. "I think he'll be alright… but I'm not talking about Zack, I need to talk to you. You need to tell me what _you_ feel about this."

"What?" Cody wanted to know.

"Your mother says you're very stressed out ever since this happened… I know Zackary is your twin, but you seemed to take it harder than anybody, including your mom," Maggie said. "I just wanted to know if there was anything you wanted to tell me."

"No," Cody said, closing off to the older lady. "There's nothing."

Maggie was used to this. She faced this closing of emotions all the time, and she knew there was always more. "It's ok to tell me, Cody. It's ok. You need to let it out or else you're going to hurt for your entire life."

Cody shuddered, and Maggie knew that the sixteen-year-old boy was scared. He couldn't face the pain he felt forever. His face was white, making his golden hair stand out more than ever, and he pulled up his long legs up on the chair that he sat in, rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

This was common too—Maggie thought that he would tell her soon.

"I…" Cody broke off suddenly, "I'm _afraid_."

"Don't be," Maggie said soothingly. "You have nothing to be afraid of."

"I do!" Cody practically howled, his face scrunched up with fear, "I do!"

Sudden change of emotions. Yes, he was hiding something. "Why don't you tell me about it?" she wanted to know, running a hand worriedly through her dark hair.

"Is it…" Cody asked her, "is it ok if I say it in story format? It doesn't hurt so much that way…"

"You can tell me in any way that you would like Cody," Maggie said. "It's ok. You can trust me."

"Ok," said Cody, taking in a deep breath. He paused, "Once upon a time…" he stopped and looked at her, as if expecting her to laugh. "Once upon a time… I'm sorry," he whispered, as she tried to tell him it was ok. "Once upon a time there were two brothers—two twins—named Zack and Cody." He broke off again, pulling his legs closer, into his own shell, oblivious to Maggie. He was telling it for himself now.

"Zack and Cody did everything together," he continued, his voice thick with emotion. "They did everything. They got into trouble," he smiled, but it quickly disappeared, "they played pranks on people, they ran away from scary looking girls…"

He stopped, tears starting to form in his eyes. Maggie softly touched his back, but he didn't seem to notice. Taking another breath, he kept on going. "C-cody, Cody loved Zack more than anything in the world. Cody could have gone on forever, just being with Zack. Cody would have given anything to keep on playing… to keep on living like that."

A silvery tear ran down Cody's cheek, matting his eyelashes together. "And more than anything… Cody wanted Zack to be happy. Cody wanted it to be Zack and Cody forever—and for Zack to love him. Cody wanted to be… all that Zack would ever need," he said, his voice breaking with pain.

"But," he continued, pausing as he brushed a tear away, "but… Cody wasn't enough for Zack. Zack went and found a new friend. Matt," he said, spitting out the word with disgust. "And Zack spent all his time with Matt, and it wasn't… it wasn't Zack and Cody anymore…" he stopped again, breathing in deep, "it was Zack and Matt."

"And… and… Cody felt really bad inside—like he wasn't good enough for Zack… but Zack was happy with Matt, and that was what Cody wanted. Cody wanted for Zack always to be happy, and he was happy. So Cody just stayed at home… and Cody waited for Zack to come home to be with him."

"But Zack… Zack never came home. Zack always played with Matt, and he did all the things Zack and Cody had done together. Zack stopped… he stopped talking to Cody," his voice arched onto a higher note as he tried to slap away the old memories while Maggie looked on helplessly. "Cody wasn't… Cody wasn't there anymore… Zack didn't know who Cody was anymore… and Cody felt lost. And scared. And bad. Cody felt like he lost half of himself."

"But… but then, Matt started to hurt Zack. He started to hit him and Cody would see the bruises. And Cody hurt inside because nobody could hurt Zack. Nobody. Nobody was allowed to hurt Zack. And Cody tried to ask Zack about it, but Zack wouldn't listen. Zack just pushed Cody away, and Cody kept on feeling lost and Zack kept on getting hurt. Cody could have saved Zack, but Zack was happy, and he didn't want to be saved. Zack was hurting, but he didn't need Cody's help."

"And that was how it went until one day," the tears started coming faster, and Cody couldn't stop them anymore, "one day Zack didn't come home. So Cody was really scared… Cody waited until it was really late, and Cody drove over to Matt's house. And Zack was beat up really bad… he was bloody and bruised," Cody started to shake uncontrollably as he remembered, "and Cody had to call the police to come," his voice broke again. "And," he said, rushing on to continue as if he had to get it all out, "and then Cody sat down next to Zack and cried and cried. And Zack didn't say anything… so Cody knew he couldn't help anymore. Cody knew he wasn't _good_ enough for Zack anymore, because Zack deserved so much better, and Cody wasn't enough."

"The police came and they took Zack to the hospital, and Cody went home. Cody was sad and… broken, because he knew that he didn't save Zack, and it was his fault that Zack was hurt," Cody let out a whimper, bringing tears to Maggie's eyes. He sounded like a lost puppy that had been kicked to many times. "It was _his_ fault. Cody should have saved Zack, but Cody just let Zack keep on getting hurt, over and over. And Cody _hated_ himself," he whispered, as his voice filled with self-disgust. "Cody was worthless… Cody was nothing… Cody was exactly what Matt had told him he was. Matt had said he was nothing, and Matt was right. Cody was nothing. Cody wasn't even good enough to help his twin. Cody deserved to _die_."

"And Cody has to keep on living… knowing that it's _his_ fault Zack is hurt and it will always be his fault. People tell Cody that it's not, but he knows that it _is_. And Cody was worthless, and Cody was nothing, and that's why Zack never wanted… that's why Zack never wanted to come home to be," his voice cracked in pain, "he never wanted to come home to be with Cody anymore."

"And Zack hates Cody, and he has every right to. Cody didn't ever come and save him… and Cody deserves to hurt like this. And since Zack hates Cody, Cody hates himself. And every day, Cody wonders if it's worth living like this anymore, and every day he thinks it's not. But Cody can't get rid of himself. Why? Because Cody is a selfish coward… and it hurts. And Cody keeps on hating himself, but Cody is too cowardly to do what's right. Cody's too cowardly to get rid of himself."

His voice was now raw with pain, and Maggie didn't know what to help him. She felt helpless. "Cody," she started, and then looked up with a small gasp.

Cody followed her eyes, and he saw Zack standing in the doorway, his eyes red with tears too. Zack reached up a hand, and pushed his blonde hair out of his eyes, his eyes which stayed on Cody the entire time.

"Zack," started Maggie, "Zack I think you should leave."

Zack broke his gaze with Cody for a second to look at Maggie. "Yes," he started. "I think you're right. I _should_ leave. But I can't. My brother's hurt. My _best friend_ is hurting. And he doesn't deserve to hurt."

He sat down next to Cody, gently pushing Maggie away. Cody let out a strangled sob, and buried his face in Zack's chest, while Zack fought the lump in his throat and stroked his brother's back.

"I'm sorry," Cody's helpless voice asked for forgiveness. "I'm so sorry Zack."

"It's not your fault," Zack said, pulling his younger twin closer. "It's not your fault. You have to understand that Cody, it's not your fault."

"I'm sorry," Cody begged, "I'm sorry. I love you so much Zack, I couldn't live without you."

"Neither could I," Zack said, and Cody knew he wasn't lying. He could see it—the same tears mirrored in each twin's eyes. "Neither could I. I love you little brother."

"I love you Zack," Cody choked through his tears.

"I love you too Cody," Zack said, drawing him even closer. "I love you too."

Maggie crept away, closing the door behind her, and leaving the boys alone. She'd finished her work here.

_The End_

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